Don’t “Pray” For Me.

Once more I was arguing with a stranger on social media. It is my catnip, my shameful addiction. These days I don’t go looking for fights, truly. But once one has started, I cannot walk away.

This time, though, it wasn’t vaccines, communism, racism, fascism, or sexism. It was an almost nostalgic topic — religion. Specifically, a woman and I were debating the historical Jesus versus the one she believed in. I cited Scripture rather than history, thinking I was speaking her language. She handwaved verses from Luke and Matthew, instead explaining that I needed to educate myself about the “real” Jesus.

Then she closed by saying she’d be praying for me.

I’ve heard that so many times over the last twenty years, and every time it’s made me see red. Because I know the speaker doesn’t mean it as a good thing. They’ve adopted something benevolent and turned it into a weapon. Any prayer they said for me would be couched in terms implying I am somehow lacking or misguided.

Ending a disagreement with “I’ll pray for you” is the Christian version of “eff you.” It’s religious bullying — rude, condescending, infuriating. Because if the person pushes back in any way, suddenly the speaker is in the position of playing the victim: “Why are you attacking my faith!”

This is not to say that when I’m, say, having a kidney stone, I do not welcome people saying, “I’m praying for you.” The intention there is clearly kind and well-intentioned. Just as the intention above is not.